Depression Story By: RabidDoll

My name is Renea, I am twenty years old.. about to turn twenty one in november. My sister(26yrs old) is pregnant (7mo) and I have always dreamed of being an aunt. I found out he will be a beautiful little boy and also that I will never be allowed to be a part of his life, because she thinks I am too busy to even see her. ”You will never be allowed to be a part of my sons life.” I am twenty years old, I dont live in the same city as her and I am NOT the one who moved so far .. Our lack of a proper child hood could be the severe cause of this issue. I was never so close to her, and every secret I have told her has gone around all of her friends and back to me. Im sad and confused because no matter how many times I have tried, and my parents have tried, she has never came around to trying to being nice to me and considering I’m young, going to school, and trying to live my life also.. The last time I was going to hang out with her, was me about to go pick her up and take her to this beautiful park to take pictures of her and her pregnant belly. She is so beautiful pregnant… I have cut myself twelve times.. probably more. I’m counting scars and new wounds of what I can see infront of me right now. I cry to my boyfriend, but he doesnt understand. I cry to my mom but she says she and my father wont pick sides. Im desperate to see a solution that will never come. And i fear im close to my breaking point.. I told my love I didnt want to be in this body anymore.. and that im just hollow. The only thing keeping me in this life of misery and pain is to find my own way out. Which scares me but at the same time relieves me. I want so badly for someone to love me… and to make me feel like im more than another wasteful creature. I have on more than one occasion tried to cut deep enough but im afraid. I dont want to be judged if I fail. My friends already snicker under their breaths when I tell them how horribly serious I am about my depression… Lexapro has only helped so much.. until I ran out. Where did I go wrong that I deserved this mess?

Share this Story with a Friend
Contact the Storyteller

Leave a Comment

OTHER PATIENT STORIES

User Name*Carol
Hi,my name is carol I’m 28 years old and a long relationship with depression,anxiety,panic attacks and insomnia. I am so desperate to feel normal,happy,healthy,content and not have to keep numb my feelings with drugs forever. My dad died when I was 13years old,and he was my everything,my mom was never a mom,couldn’t care any less.My […]
Read Story
Mark Wilson
I submitted my story with you some time back, love the new layout of the site, and wanted to do a follow up. Since recovering from depression, I’ve written dozens of articles on family life, mental illness and general topical issues. I’ve collected these in an eBook called ”Paddy’s Daddy” which is available free for […]
Read Story
LFran
My name is Lisa. I was quite young when I first noticed that I felt sad and fearful all the time. I didn’t know what it was until around age 13, my Health teacher began to discuss ”depression” and that’s when I knew ”it” had a name. It was scarier after that for some reason. […]
Read Story
Brianne95973
My name is Brianne. I am 30 years old and a wife, mother of 3 wonderful boys and 1 beautiful daughter. They are ages 11, 10, 5 and 3. My daughter is the youngest of all of them. Depression has been affecting my life for a very long time. I honestly cannot remember a time […]
Read Story
dendal
Depression and severe anxiety have crippled me. I’ve had depression since about the age of 14 and panic attacks (in private only) since the age of 32. I have tried so much and so hard to fight myself and to become a better, productive person, but it now seems my battle is being lost. Multiple […]
Read Story
Pamela
I am 50 years old and working as a personal care attendant.  I love plants, gardening, and arts and crafts.  I sing and play the piano, organ, and flute.  I experienced my first episode of depression in 1986 and have had around seven episodes, all ranging anywhere from 1 to 6 years.  My depression alienated […]
Read Story
bwalk
I have suffered with depression for many years. Actually, I think I had postpartum depression that wasn’t treated after the birth of my first child 22 years ago!!! My doctor and I believe I actually suffer from bipolar disorder, although I’ve been treated for depression. I’m going to be started on, probably, Lithium next month. […]
Read Story
stateman1038
I am 48 and have just seemed to lose my desire to do the things that I used to enjoy doing. My job is extremely stressful and alot of my days are spent agonizing about how much I hate my job. I am at the point that I think death may be better then this. […]
Read Story
Jen
I’ve dealt with depression for a very long time.  I believe my depression started as a kid after my parents divorced.  For a long time I didn’t know what it felt like to be normal.  I was always taken to therapists as a kid and always on different meds.  It really started to get bad […]
Read Story
mytwochildren
I was married for 24 years when my wife divorcd me.I was devestated and to this day cannot get over it.We have two children who were 8 and 11 at the time of the divorce.I was a very loving father.Unfortunately my wife brainwashed and turned the children against me.When my older son turned 18 he […]
Read Story
Rebacca
I am a middle aged woman who has been fighting depression for 15 years. It seems to have gotten worse. I was 24 years when my whole life was changed . I ended up having a hyst. done. I have always wanted a big family. And now I will never be able to. I used […]
Read Story
A Lutz
I have battled depression for more than 20 years. I was diagnosed at age 19, though I suspect I was depressed in utero and it wasn’t until I started contemplating suicide that I was actually diagnosed. (Good thing I recognized it for what it was.) I was put on an SSRI (a very expensive one, […]
Read Story
bambi kemerly
I am a 54 female I just lost my mother. I am causing my husband, to work till its going to kill him i am using his money without telling him, I have a gambling problem. I have tried to quite smoking and drinking. I take 2 pills a day for the quit smoking I hasn’t […]
Read Story
RabidDoll
My name is Renea, I am twenty years old.. about to turn twenty one in november. My sister(26yrs old) is pregnant (7mo) and I have always dreamed of being an aunt. I found out he will be a beautiful little boy and also that I will never be allowed to be a part of his […]
Read Story
JJ
Some days like today are just long, where every minute stretches into an hour. I am burdened with the guilt and shame of not having close relationships, and of not fulfilling my dreams I had once set out to do–I do not know if it is because of the way that I am, or because […]
Read Story
neubigco
I am 48-year old man.  I was the CEO and Founder of a flourishing Luxury Marketing Communications practice in New York and while visiting my family Upstate; I was involved in two near-fatal automobile accidents. Along with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), and a spectrum of other cognitive and physical impairments, I was rendered permanently disabled. After […]
Read Story
Tina - Hit with severe depression
I am a mother of two, and a wife. I am a full time mom and Office Manager. I believe I have had the ”typical” ups and downs in life. My parents are both alive today, however their lack of presence in my life as a child probably played a major role in my depression […]
Read Story
Robbie from Albuquerque
NeuroStar TMS Therapy offered hope in what felt like a hopeless situation. I am a 54-year-old woman married for 33 years to a wonderful man.  I love reading, gardening and hope to get back to hiking and bicycling after I get my weight down and get my knee fixed surgically.  I am a homemaker at present. […]
Read Story
User Name*grnmtnboys74
My father & uncle both suffered clinical depression. My uncle committed suicide and my father smoked & drank himself to death. Others in the family are either in prison on suicide watch or are in some type of counseling. I have suffered from depression for years with the only relief being an occasional percocet. Through […]
Read Story
Leticia
I was brought to the usa since I was 11 and my life has never been the same.  I was married at the age of 14 and I had a miserable marriage, I’ve been disabled since I was 15 and I had a terrible childhood ’cause my father was an alcholic and my mother was […]
Read Story
jm9789
I have had several bouts with depression ,mostly due to my wifes three affairs ,during our 29 yr marriage.My oldest son was killed in an auto accident ,he was a Texas State trooper.Currently I am in deep depression ,I have tried all the medications ,counsolers ,etc…rite now I dont see any hope
Read Story
Sherry
This is hard for me because there is nothing pretty about depression. I believe it’s very important for people to know that there is ”real hope” for them and their families. For 20 years my family and I struggled through my episodes of major depression. I was in and out of the hospital several times […]
Read Story
Pat
My first episode of depression was back in 2002. I was treated with medication but most didn’t work. I went through a phase of ECT treatments which worked for a time but I did have a recurrence of the depression. I never felt like doing anything. I was happy staying home in my dark little […]
Read Story
Jim
I am a happy, creative person. I’ve had major depression several times in my life and I’m having a major depression now. I started TMS therapy because my anti-depressant (Cymbalta) just stopped working one day. I had been on Cymbalta for more than 4 years and it worked beautifully. After trying a course of increased […]
Read Story
Marcea
I think I’ve always had depression. One of my earliest memories has been as a little girl on the playground watching other children playing and having a good time and being alone on the sidelines and wondering why I couldn’t have that kind of fun. Depression first began to interfere with my life in my […]
Read Story
Bill
I am a retired IMB Electronic Engineer. I collect guns, both long and short. I collect old classic and new top end watches. I enjoy repairing watches and shooting guns. I fix all kinds of things for my 3 daughters and others. I volunteer, mostly with mentally handicapped. I first experienced depression in the 1970’s. […]
Read Story
Dan
Before TMS, there was maybe a year when I was off medication and I was really into Buddhism.  That helped more than anything, but I had lost faith in anything spiritual and religious. I felt for a long time that my life had no meaning. I was very depressed to the point of being suicidal. […]
Read Story
Shawn
My life with depression was not fun. I didn’t really find enjoyment in everyday things and I hated going to school. I had social anxiety along with depression. It just took the fun out of everything. It took me awhile to realize that that’s what was wrong, and that depression was the problem. Even going […]
Read Story
Debbie
I’ve pretty much had depression since I was a child. I had separation anxiety in elementary school and its basically followed me throughout my life in variant degrees. My first depressive episode was when I was 35 – I was hospitalized for 30 days. That was when I first began taking antidepressants and it’s been […]
Read Story
Laurie
My name is Laurie and I am 48 years old. My first experience with depression was with Dysthymia in my early to mid 20’s and for years I did not recognize it. While listening to a lecture in graduate school, I realized that I fit every criteria on the slide. That was around 2000, and […]
Read Story
June
Depression limited every aspect of social relationships, formal education, and career for me. There was a lot of alienation and shame for me. I was experiencing depression as far back as I can remember and I’ve had deep periods of sadness and melancholy. It seemed to get worse as I got older. I have had […]
Read Story
A.M.
I first began experiencing depression when I was an undergrad in college, but I didn’t seek treatment at that time. I have lost count of my number of depressive episodes and over the past six years or so, I spent about 85% of the year depressed. Depression has completely changed my life in a negative […]
Read Story
Catherine
I have been experiencing depression for many years (since 2005) and because of it I am currently unemployed. It wasn’t until I received TMS in 2010 that I finally began to feel relief. I have also received ECT in the past, and experienced some short term memory loss as a result, but still got no […]
Read Story
Debbie
My name is Debbie and I have been going through a course of treatment of TMS. I have a family history of mental illness – depression – on my father’s side. Two and a half years ago, I lost my brother to suicide. I was going through the grief process which is very, very hard, […]
Read Story
Phil
My name is Phil Bunnelle. In my professional career, I worked as a mechanical engineer, designing agricultural machinery and mining equipment among other things, mostly in California. I enjoyed physical activities such as hiking, biking, and swimming, as well as doing graphics and other creative work on the computer. Following service in the Navy, I […]
Read Story
Dr. Ryan Scott
In looking far back, I was probably experiencing depression in my childhood (young adult). Living at home with abuse, instability, and emotional conflicts certainly didn’t prepare me for how to deal with stress. A broken neck and a few other hospitalizations and diagnosis of a few other conditions later on in my life escalated my […]
Read Story
Monika
I have dealt with depression since my childhood. Each episode could last for many months. Depression caused me to have a complete loss of interest in everything. I am a housewife who especially enjoys cooking, fashion, reading, and flowers. Depression caused me to lose interest in all of these things that make me happy. I […]
Read Story
Sherry
I have experienced ongoing depression for over 15 years. I am the owner of an insurance agency and I oversee sales and service. I also enjoy the beach, boating, and traveling. Unfortunately, my depression made all of these very difficult for me. It effected my quality of life as well as my career. I was […]
Read Story
neenahkeepstrying
I’m a 44 year old black female who has had depression her entire life. I was diagnosed with depression in my mid 20s and have been treated for it since then. I was put on just one antidepressant initially and over the years of juggling and testing, I now am on 2 mood stabilizers and […]
Read Story
Mark Wilson
Depression Confession A Father’s Determination I have recently been thinking a lot about the subject of depression. Having heard a lot of views expressed on the condition, some very supportive, and some wholly dismissive of even the existence of depression as a medical condition, I felt that now is a good time to share some […]
Read Story
Susan
My name is Susan. I am a wife, mother, and grandmother. I have suffered from depression since my high school years; it went undiagnosed until my mid-thirties. At that time I was prescribed one anti-depressant. As time went on it’s effectiveness dwindled. I have since then been prescribed other anti-depressants in varying amounts and combinations […]
Read Story
Steve Doss
I have suffered from severe clinical-resistant depression for 20 years..Just got out of Va after 7 shock treatments. Depression and despair are like 2 giant quicksands pulling me down. I try to hope and pray every day to just get thru the day without hurting myself. Depression and despair are like a tidal wave. Thank […]
Read Story
Amanda
I am 28 years old and on Disability because of my depression and anxiety. I have been battling depression since I was about 12, anxiety since I was about 7. I estimate that I have been on about 30 different medications over the years. I have had 4 hospitilizations, one recently. I decided to try […]
Read Story
Craig
I have suffered with prolonged bouts of major depression for almost 20 years. Six months ago, I was at rock-bottom. I was unable to work. I was so depressed that I could not drive or even watch tv and follow along. (I am a 38 year old father of two who runs the family business, […]
Read Story
Stesco
I have suffered with moderate to severe clinical depression for over 30 years. I am 52 years young and now working as a personal and...
Read Story
Brenda
I am a mother, a wife, and I work part-time. I enjoy going to work and actually having a day off! I volunteer at local pet shelters and foster animals...
Read Story
Josh Rosenberg
30 year old husband and father of two. Have been suffering from depression for years. It’s hard to wake up in the morning and even harder...
Read Story
L.T.
I first experienced depression in 2007 – my depression has been mild but chronic. Depression has...
Read Story
Christine A.
My first episode of depression started directly after the birth of my second daughter. I had 2-3 episodes of depression before the...
Read Story
B.G.
I’m a father, husband and professional in the healthcare field. I was first affected by depression around age 30. Depression has interfered with...
Read Story